We Deserve The Very Best

As we travel on this journey of life, we encounter many twists and turns, good times and bad, happiness and sorrow.  As I ponder these hills and valleys, I always seek to figure out what is truly my life's purpose.  I've discussed my feelings over many blogs but I've finally come to the decision there are many women (and men) just like me, who have hit this time of middle age and have no clue as to what's next.  Recently, while I was writing in my morning journal, I had a true epiphany.  My purpose is to speak my truth to others with the same life questions, doubts and fears.  One avenue for me to do this is sharing my heart in this blog.  When the lightening bolt hit that morning, I came to realize this blog could be valuable not just for me but for others as well.  I keep track as to how many people read these every month and I actually count over fifty, some months even more.  This is huge for an unknown such as I, sitting in my house with my dog.  I am heartened to know I have resonated with at least 50 people, all who have joined me on this journey of life.

Therefore over the coming months, we are all together going to explore our new journey.  This blog will most likely resonate more with women than with men, women more my age than younger, but I hope those of all ages who know me will keep an open mind as I believe, I have something to offer everyone.  Men may find my words will give them insight into the thoughts and ideas of their wives and girlfriends.   I do not think I'm much different than other women and there are so many out there who have faced some of the same challenges that I have.  The more I talk to people, the more I realize I'm really very normal.   I very much want to hear from my readers with comments and other life questions to explore in the upcoming months.  But for the purpose of this writing, we're going to explore the title, We Deserve the Very Best.

So many of us have been taught to believe we are not deserving.  We’ve been programmed to believe we are not worthy of a great love, a great life, a great car or a great house.  What bullshit!  We all deserve the very best and have the absolute right to believe it into existing.  Manifesting for instance a new house, is normal.  Why would we want to settle for something that is not what we want, or is substandard to our purposes?  Frankly why would we settle if it's not the right for us?  When I moved to Boise last year, I moved with the clear intention of exactly what kind of house I wanted, the basic area where I wanted to live and of course my price range.  I made a well defined list and voila I now live in a new build, single story home with 3 bedrooms and a nice size yard to garden and for Bonnie to play. This house fits all my furniture (I was not ready to downsize), has a large garage for all my other stuff and in a great location.  I manifested this home, put it out to God to handle and a year later I am still comfortable and content living in Casa de Teresa.  I am deserving of my new house and give thanks with gratitude daily. 

Thirty years ago or more, I learned a way to manifest and this was to make a well defined list. When I finally decided it was time to get married, I made a detailed list of everything I was looking for in husband material.  I tweaked that list for several months and by "accident" John appeared in my life and for the next 20 years we experienced the twists and turns that life offered us.  There were a few areas where I was not specific enough.  For instance, I asked for a baseball fan but did not specify which team.  Turned out I married a die hard Yankee fan and here I was a die hard Dodger fan.  That difference created a lot of angst, especially during World Series time.  I learned to love the Yankees but the Dodgers never left my heart.  Another small item I forgot to add was I wanted a "Jack of All Trades" type guy.  Well not so much in that department either but hey, Handymen do need to earn a living...

Three years ago, I decided it was time to think about dating again as John had been gone five years.  I made my list again but sadly for my heart and soul, I forgot a few pertinent details that I have included in the newest list for my age appropriate boyfriend.  This sad experience just goes to show, the more exact and detailed one is, the better the results.  If it seems like an obvious "no biggie" or "that's just a given," I promise you that they are NOT.  Be specific as the Universe gives us what we asked for and those "no biggies" or "that's a given" are glaring and destructive if neglected on our list.  I'm just saying, as I lived it out sadly... Ugh...

So I divert back to my original intent for this blog.  We deserve the very best, the very best out there appropriate for us and the very very best of what life has to offer.  No one, not one of us, should ever settle for anything less.  If we do, we diminish our own self worth.  Recently when I was making the "boyfriend" list, a friend of mine said to me, you want only the Cream of The Crop.  I got to thinking, I've run the gamut from great to creepy, slovenly to clean and smelling good.  Nope I won't settle,  I want the Cream of The Crop dammit, I deserve it and I'm not settling.  I see so many women my age just settle because they think this is the end of the road.  Selling out to less than what we deserve is simply not acceptable with our new way of thinking.  Ladies, and men, stand in the truth for what you want and go forth and find what your heart desires.  Trust me, it's out there, don't settle!  You dear heart, deserve nothing less than the very best 

"The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do."  Unknown

The Awesome State of Being Middle Age

September is Yours Truly' s birthday month and time take to take an assessment of the past year.. As I approach year 66, I have entered into a state of awesome wonder as I simply can not believe I've lived this long.  I'm not one to celebrate much, frankly I don't really celebrate at all.  The days of ice cream and cake and tons of presents are over and have been for several years.  I'm not one to be the center of attention so singing Happy Birthday is probably not going to go over well.  These days however, the days of middle age, I take more stock in where I came from and where I'm going.  So here I am, number 66 is upon me and I ask, who the hell am I at this stage of life?  What is my path, my purpose and what do I do next?  Therefore, this month I'm again opening my heart and soul  and will try to take a leap into the future while speaking from today.

I remember asking my grandmother why she wanted to live alone, thinking she was probably lonely.  I can remember her saying, “I just don't want to take care of an old man, I don’t like being around old people and I like my life the way it is.”  Well, I feel ya Nannie!  I enjoy my freedom and I like being around people young at heart as I'm not ready to be an old fuddy duddy yet nor will I ever be one by the way.  After the emotional roller coaster I experienced through the breakup with Mr. Wonderful, I’m doing just fine alone with my sweet Bonnie and peace of mind.  Okay so perhaps an age appropriate boyfriend would be nice or a pool boy but I don’t have a swimming pool so forget that.  The cute trainer at the local gym is not my style and way too young so I've thrown my hands up and just learned to trust.  I have tried on line dating by the way, and it is not for sissies.  I had one coffee date with a complete loser and the rest who've reached out seem to be fakes, frauds or phonies.  Therefore I'm good just the way it is now and listening to my higher self.  I'm still open to a new love if the Universe wants to drop someone interesting into my life again.  However, please, please, please do not bring me an old man or one with tons of baggage, drama or financial woes.  I'm simply not up to the emotional effort of being an old man's "darling."   

My parent traveled a lot in their RV and I tend to think they saw all of the lower 48.  I’d love to do that and I must admit I’m a bit envious of my friends who have RVs and travel trailers.  It was a thought we had ten years ago but now just a dream.  I would like to visit all 50 states but frankly, not alone in an RV.   But traveling is still on my agenda and now that I took the jab, I'm able to start planning again. Recently I got an email from an on line travel group and threw caution to the wind.  So, I’m flying off to Peru and Ecuador to see Manchu Picchu, the rainforests and the beautiful Andes in September of 2022.  Over the next twelve months, I will have plenty of time to contemplate, set up a Peru 2022 travel board on Pintrest and save my pennies for souvenirs and the fun stuff.   I won't back out of this trip and will post pictures on Instagram when the time comes.

I love music but didn't listen to much of anything in the first few years after John died.  Several years ago I again began to listen to the music I once loved.  The at one time very hip music of the original "boy band" the Beatles, is still a top favorite in my music queue.  Jackson Browne, The Byrds, George Strait and yes my favorite of all The Monkees are all there as well.   So I guess my darling One and Only snickers a bit when she hears me sing along to Last Train to Clarksville, Twist and Shout or my very favorite, I'm a Believer.   Maybe my music is old fashioned to Generation X and the Millennials but who the hell cares!  I will continue to sing to my heart's content and our music someday, when we're in the nursing home, will be Stairway to Heaven or Doctor My Eyes.  

Okay so let’s explore the spiritual side of being 66.  Believe it or not realistically, we’ve only got maybe 25 more good years.  Those 25 will go by fast if we don’t take advantage of every moment!  After I retired I made a practice to get up early every morning and enjoy the day. Seven years later, I still get up no later than 7:00 and enjoy my coffee while watching the sun rise. By the way, the sunrise in Idaho can not be surpassed and will report back what I observe in Peru.  I give thanks every morning to God for allowing me another day and allowing me the opportunity to live for another moment.  I pray the Universe will allow me to be a light for someone to resonate with.  Being a light is not just being a faithful friend or throwing a couple bucks at a homeless shelter, it’s so much more.  After opening my mind, listening and truly understanding what the Universe has to say, being a light is being of pure heart and soul, walking with honor and integrity.  Am I that pure heart?  No I’m not always but I’m trying hard to listen, learn and be an example.  One basic lesson I have learned is be who you are meant to be, be the very best you can be and stand in your truth for good.  There still exists the basic truths for life and the Ten Commandments speak it well.  We need to take heed of these ten basic truths, understand the simplicity in them and begin to live by them again.  The world would certainly be a much better place!  

So finally I ask myself, are you happy or just existing?  Are you still sad and angry or happy with who and where you are on this journey?  I can say I’m finally happy and happy with the new life I’ve created.  It's taken me awhile to admit this by the way as it's been a rather uncertain 15 months. Looking back, to pick up, move to where I knew basically no one was incredibly brave.  I left my safety net of twenty years and took a giant leap of faith.  This journey we call life has had its twists and turns, happiness and sorrow, good times and bad.  I look at every person I've met on this journey, this is every single one and I call them a blessing.  The lessons I've learned from these blessings will continue to affect me into the future and beyond.  Not one experience was a waste, just a learning experience. 

In conclusion and to begin this new year of life, I have now risen above all the muck and BS and can say, Happy 66th Birthday to Me.

The following affirmation was published in the August 2021 Spiritual Living Magazine.  It will become my life quote for year 66:  

"Today I pause to listen to the voice within.  It calls me to be who I am meant to be.  I follow my heart and live a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, I am at peace."

June 2021, Hulls Gulch trail Boise, Idaho