Facing Our Fears

As we move into the year 2023, I've been pondering the subject of fear, the fears I have for the future, and the fears I've had over the last ten years.  As I reflect, so many of the fears I had at the beginning of 2013 and beyond, have resolved themselves and I've moved forward.  Therefore, the subject for my January blog is fear and how do we resolve those fears without driving ourselves completely crazy.  As normal, this is my story, I can only share it and hope someone reading this blog will take heart and take the steps necessary to face their own fears.

In January of 2013, John was not feeling well.  He was losing weight rapidly and I kept asking him if he was on a diet, knowing full well he wasn't, as I was cooking all the meals.  He could hardly eat and finally in February we found out he had pancreatic cancer, and the outcome would not be positive.  We stuck together as a family; he conquered each day with courage and dignity but sadly he passed away 10 months later.  When I think back now, he was as fearful as I was, but at the time he said he was not.  The fear of the unknown is one of the worst fears of all.  It wasn't an easy time for us, hurt feelings on both sides, profound sadness, and the fact I had no clue what I was going to do when the end came. I was next to my dad when he passed on but never had to even fathom the thought of finding a husband no longer breathing.  I feared that day for 10 months and when the time came, what I saw was peace.  I felt peace in the room as well, as he had been staring and talking to what I then and now perceive as spirit guides and angels in the corner of the ceiling.  When I found him, I knew he had moved on to a better place as those angels had taken him home.  Cancer had not beaten him; it only took him back to his oneness with God.  I believe he feared death, but there was no fear in his face when he transitioned onto his next journey.

The last ten years, after that terribly sad day, has been a roller coaster of fears, intense anxiety in some respects, and now simply peace of mind.  What I found by conquering my fears of the unknown is that, by placing one's trust in God hands, is the only way to conquer fear.  Franklin D Roosevelt said: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  Oh, how true.  The Universe can handle anything we think is too big, of little significance or what we perceive as a burden. God will never let us down.  Put your fears in God's hands and let it be.

I knew when it was the right time to leave Washington State.  I left the life I had built for twenty years behind me, to build a new life here in Idaho.  My timing was impeccable but trust me, I feared the pure unknown before me.  I really knew no one here other than my realtor and a couple of acquaintances I knew fifty plus years ago.  Kristina was an off again, on again roommate, and I knew she'd be moving out eventually.  But once again, I put my fears in God's hands and have been blessed beyond measure over these last two and a half years.  My greatest blessing is in Florida now, we've conquered our first Christmas apart, not without a lot of tears mind you, and we're both on to our new challenges.  My fear of being alone has been conquered as I'm now blessed with love and support from many good-hearted kind new friends.  My fear of driving too far in the snow has been put behind me, as I now can successfully drive in inclement weather without even a whimper.  I recently drove the dudes out to Boise for their grooming and it was snowing buckets!   Snow driving is going to become second nature soon.

Fear of forming deep and lasting relationships has always been a fear I've faced, probably since high school.  I've been let down more times than I can count, and I'm sure I've most likely let a few down myself.  The many good-hearted people I've met on my life journey, however, have warmed my heart and soul.  I was afraid of being alone this Christmas and low and behold, I was blessed by two friends who shared dinner, participated in provocative conversation, and all the blessings Christmas day continues to bring.  Whenever I put my fears in God's hands, I always have a happy outcome.  I'm grateful beyond measure.

These days, I fear for the future.  It all seems so tenuous, so fragile, so out of the normal realm of our natural state of mind.  The world is undergoing continued upheaval, a great reset, enveloped by a cloud of uncertainty and anxiousness.  I am an awakened soul, as are so many who know of the same mindset.  Our trust in a positive outcome is now once again, in God's hands.  I know the outcome will be fine, as it should be, but we have a bumpy road in front of us.  All we can do is trust and let it be.  Therefore, Happy New Year my dear friends and may God continue to bless America and the world beyond.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

Seeking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be.

~ Lennon and McCartney ~

Da Boyz Looking toward 2023

Enjoy The Moments

I'll confess up front, this month I've had a case of writer's block.  The topic and content for the month has eluded me, as has the want to sit down and write. I enjoy writing, it's become my newfound hobby but, I struggle with the relevance of these blogs, the topics I wish to explore and frankly I worry they've become stale and boring.  How many topics can one produce every month and stay true to one's heart and soul?  How many thoughts and desires do I have that I want to express on paper for the "world" to read?  I honestly don't know, but tonight as I was pondering once again, the idea for this month was to simply enjoy the writing process for what it is, and the energy that is assisting me to express my thoughts on paper.  Therefore, this will be a blog for enjoyment purposes only so bear with me if I ramble and please enjoy the moments!

2022, for yours truly, has been an interesting year as I've raised up two wild babies into wild men and, reconnected with a friendship I thought was lost forever.  Frankly, I began to weed out those who are of toxic energy, while adding to my sphere of influence those who are upbeat, kind and portray mirrored beliefs and attitudes.  Those who are of positive energy, love and kindness are those who have become trusted and lifelong friends.  I've also found out that spirit has an interesting sense of humor and I keep laughing at the wonders that continue to unfold. 

To begin with, I started this year with tears in my eyes, missing my Bonnie Girl and trying to figure out what to do next.  I wanted another dog, but how soon?  The two terrorists arrived by February 5th and the enjoyment of the moments, good and bad, has been amazing.  Bonnie and I enjoyed our moments, but I'd forgotten the pure enjoyment that little boys will bring into your life.  The dudes are grown up now, both have turned a year old, and they're settling down to be normal terrier dogs.  We still have a way to go, and I will keep my sense of humor.  I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff, like the holes in my lawn, the torn to shreds plug off my heating pad or that pair of new socks with the chew holes.  Toby my Westie is a dapper little dude, sweet, kind and a rascal.  His beautiful white fur is usually silver as dirt sticks to him like glue and he hates being bathed.  It doesn't help that the grass is his favorite rolling place, unless it's bird poop or something worse.  Stuart on the other hand is built like a linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks.  He's about forty pounds now, and if he wore pants, he'd have a gut and a plumber's butt.  He's also a lap dog, as sweet as sugar and funnier than hell.  I love these dudes; we enjoy our moments with each other (them for the treats and me for the pleasure of their company).

Enough of my canine companions as I have more to express regarding those enjoyable moments.  This past year, I've learned to enjoy the moments presented to me.  Eighty percent of the moments in our lives are those we should embrace with gusto and enjoyment.  Living in the moment is the easiest way to enjoy life.  I've stated this fact before, but once one puts the past behind them and lets the future take care of itself, the present enjoyment of each moment can be attained.  It's okay to reminisce upon the good times in life.  The memories these special moments hold can assist us through trying times.   Since it's the holiday season, I tend to remember past Christmas's with long gone family and friends.  I've always said I'd give anything for one last Christmas with my parents and grandparents.  I can't do that, it's not possible, therefore now I hold tight to the new memories and enjoyable moments I'm spending with those close.  The one and only doesn't live close by anymore, so we will enjoy Christmas in January in sunny Florida.  Meanwhile, I will spend Christmas here in the cold with my boys, and my blessed friends.  Yes, I wish she were here, along with her dad and grandparents but it's okay, it's all the way the universe planned our lives.  

With all this said, Christmas is in three weeks from this writing.  I'm not a holiday type gal frankly, it's overhyped and overrated.  What I am is an enjoy the moment girl and I plan to do just that!  Therefore, to end this blog, this last tome of 2022, let's begin to focus on enjoying our lives again.  Now that Covid is put behind us, let's begin to truly focus on making memories, travel, and enjoying the moments the divine puts in our path.  Life is for living, to enjoy, to embrace with gusto and to make precious memories.  Merry Christmas dear friends and Happy New Year. 

Love, like life, flows through the heart.  Feel the thrill of the flow and say nothing.

~ Rumi

The Boys Age One