Facing Our Fears

As we move into the year 2023, I've been pondering the subject of fear, the fears I have for the future, and the fears I've had over the last ten years.  As I reflect, so many of the fears I had at the beginning of 2013 and beyond, have resolved themselves and I've moved forward.  Therefore, the subject for my January blog is fear and how do we resolve those fears without driving ourselves completely crazy.  As normal, this is my story, I can only share it and hope someone reading this blog will take heart and take the steps necessary to face their own fears.

In January of 2013, John was not feeling well.  He was losing weight rapidly and I kept asking him if he was on a diet, knowing full well he wasn't, as I was cooking all the meals.  He could hardly eat and finally in February we found out he had pancreatic cancer, and the outcome would not be positive.  We stuck together as a family; he conquered each day with courage and dignity but sadly he passed away 10 months later.  When I think back now, he was as fearful as I was, but at the time he said he was not.  The fear of the unknown is one of the worst fears of all.  It wasn't an easy time for us, hurt feelings on both sides, profound sadness, and the fact I had no clue what I was going to do when the end came. I was next to my dad when he passed on but never had to even fathom the thought of finding a husband no longer breathing.  I feared that day for 10 months and when the time came, what I saw was peace.  I felt peace in the room as well, as he had been staring and talking to what I then and now perceive as spirit guides and angels in the corner of the ceiling.  When I found him, I knew he had moved on to a better place as those angels had taken him home.  Cancer had not beaten him; it only took him back to his oneness with God.  I believe he feared death, but there was no fear in his face when he transitioned onto his next journey.

The last ten years, after that terribly sad day, has been a roller coaster of fears, intense anxiety in some respects, and now simply peace of mind.  What I found by conquering my fears of the unknown is that, by placing one's trust in God hands, is the only way to conquer fear.  Franklin D Roosevelt said: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  Oh, how true.  The Universe can handle anything we think is too big, of little significance or what we perceive as a burden. God will never let us down.  Put your fears in God's hands and let it be.

I knew when it was the right time to leave Washington State.  I left the life I had built for twenty years behind me, to build a new life here in Idaho.  My timing was impeccable but trust me, I feared the pure unknown before me.  I really knew no one here other than my realtor and a couple of acquaintances I knew fifty plus years ago.  Kristina was an off again, on again roommate, and I knew she'd be moving out eventually.  But once again, I put my fears in God's hands and have been blessed beyond measure over these last two and a half years.  My greatest blessing is in Florida now, we've conquered our first Christmas apart, not without a lot of tears mind you, and we're both on to our new challenges.  My fear of being alone has been conquered as I'm now blessed with love and support from many good-hearted kind new friends.  My fear of driving too far in the snow has been put behind me, as I now can successfully drive in inclement weather without even a whimper.  I recently drove the dudes out to Boise for their grooming and it was snowing buckets!   Snow driving is going to become second nature soon.

Fear of forming deep and lasting relationships has always been a fear I've faced, probably since high school.  I've been let down more times than I can count, and I'm sure I've most likely let a few down myself.  The many good-hearted people I've met on my life journey, however, have warmed my heart and soul.  I was afraid of being alone this Christmas and low and behold, I was blessed by two friends who shared dinner, participated in provocative conversation, and all the blessings Christmas day continues to bring.  Whenever I put my fears in God's hands, I always have a happy outcome.  I'm grateful beyond measure.

These days, I fear for the future.  It all seems so tenuous, so fragile, so out of the normal realm of our natural state of mind.  The world is undergoing continued upheaval, a great reset, enveloped by a cloud of uncertainty and anxiousness.  I am an awakened soul, as are so many who know of the same mindset.  Our trust in a positive outcome is now once again, in God's hands.  I know the outcome will be fine, as it should be, but we have a bumpy road in front of us.  All we can do is trust and let it be.  Therefore, Happy New Year my dear friends and may God continue to bless America and the world beyond.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

Seeking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be.

~ Lennon and McCartney ~

Da Boyz Looking toward 2023