I haven't sat down to blog for quite a while as I've been busy enjoying the Florida lifestyle. I wasn't sure if I was going to continue with this blog as I was running out of topics to write about. I've tried to stay off politics as it's too divisive, my dogs were starting to get boring and frankly who cares what I have to say. I'm just a small pebble in a big pond. My life isn't all that exciting so enough seemed to be enough. Therefore, I had decided a while ago to live and let live and move forward with the rest of my life.
But three or four months ago, I started to feel kind of off. I was having trouble eating a large meal and my energy level was not at its normal high intensity. I started to take a nap in the afternoon, and nothing tasted good anymore. I'm not going to mention the other problems that started cropping up but suffice to say, it was getting ugly. A month ago, after having a painful kidney infection, my stomach started to scream bloody murder so off to the doctor I went. Now, I'm not one to visit the doctor for a scratch or sore throat. I'm definitely not a hypochondriac but this was the real deal and I needed answers. Much to my surprise and three doctors later, I found out this week, I've joined a new club, I found out I have cancer. As I type, I'm still in a state of shock and my entire world seems to have been turned upside down. I've had a barrage of doctor's visits, blood tests, image scans and MRIs. My arms look like a pincushion, and my nerves are frayed. The paperwork has been extensive and the price of all this has me chewing my nails. Thank goodness I have the Medicare Plan G! More than once this week, I've wanted nothing more than to hear my mother's voice telling me that it's all going to be okay. Basically, I've been in the state of shock.
Over and over, I asked God why me and have waited for his reply. I kept asking myself, what did I do to deserve this, who did I hurt or maybe I shouldn't have screamed obscenities at the TV while watching the news?! I know I've been neglectful of family and friends but why is this my punishment?! There was no immediate reply from God, just simply crickets. But today, as I went through the pre-admittance process, my answers began to appear. Words of wisdom from my wonderful friends have all resonated. Bible verses and prayers all of the sudden appeared on my Facebook and Instagram feeds from random sites I follow. God had appeared! I quickly came to realize that I need to focus on healing and let go of the past, live in the present and trust God with the future. The past is called the past for that very reason, it's over and done with. The future isn't here yet, but we must trust God with what he has in store for us. Today is now, live for the moment and appreciate the blessings.
I'm scheduled for surgery on Thursday June 25. Please pray that the cancer has not spread and I will have complete healing. I'm scared of the aftermath as I'm going to have an incision from my breastbone to my pelvic bone. I'll be in the hospital two or three days, and my sister will come home with me after the surgery. My lovely friends have all rallied around me and have promised us food, companionship and plenty of prayer. I've asked for prayer that I can tolerate the pain, and I'll be on my feet for the 4th of July celebration party. Please pray if I need chemo, it will be minimal and my hair will remain intact. I can't imagine what I'd look like bald (no jokes please). Please pray for complete healing.
I'm scared; but I WILL have 30 more years added to my life. I WILL live to be with my grandchildren and those of my loved ones. I WILL go back to Rome to visit the Vatican and marvel at the Sistine Chapel, and I WILL see the great pyramids of Egypt. I WILL visit the Holy Land and walk the steps that Jesus walked. The one and only and I WILL have another cruise and more fun times together. I WILL take that cruise from Istanbul to Croatia, and I plan to enjoy every moment. I want this episode behind me, and I can't wait to participate in the bell ringing ceremony if God forbid, I need chemo. I WILL conqueror this bump in the road and I WILL be an inspiration for others. I WILL be whole, perfect and complete, completely healed and back to the gym and lunch with the ladies in short order. My plan is to journal and blog as I move forward on this journey and concentrate on healing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
"Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise"
Jeramiah 17:14
