Lessons In Divine Love

The month of June has finally rolled around and my first year in Idaho is complete.  What a year it has been, to begin again and walk my new path.  This journey called life has been almost more than I could ever have comprehended.  Who I am today is a completely different woman than the one who arrived here in 2020.  My broken heart, loss of my spiritual center and my soul have healed.  Today I am whole, perfect in God's eyes and complete again.  My life's purpose is still being defined but I can truly say, this year of growth will forever be one I will look back on in awesome wonder.  Lessons of all types were learned and this month, I'd like to explore a few of those lessons with love.

Boundaries have been established and I'm sticking to them.  We all need boundaries and no one needs to intrude into our space without our permission.  The overly verbose friend or concerned acquaintance is well intended but when it comes down to brass tacks, we all must sort our lives out for ourselves.  I have found that I need to be more mindful of other's feelings and sensitivities and I expect the same in reverse.  Sometimes we all need to take a step back, explore the situation at hand and erect those boundaries in order to preserve our peace of mind.  This can be done with love, sensitivity and caring on both sides of the equation.   

Secondly, we all need opportunities where we can grow and learn new thoughts and ideas.  These opportunities may not work for anyone else and that's okay as we should only try to please ourselves.    Detoxing, listening to my higher self and the Divine are what truly matter.  Over these past twelve months, I have begun reading different types of literature, listening to different types of speakers and thinking more clearly for myself not the way society shall have us think.  These ideas and thoughts have resonated with me, taken me back to the days of my awakening thirty years ago, and have opened so many new opportunities.  I thank God daily for the lessons learned and the divine love I re-found in my heart.

Third (I have discussed this in other blogs but it's important), have time carved out every day to meditate and pray.  Set your soul at ease by journaling (I know I say this constantly but it works).  My journals over the last year reflected quite a bit of my soul journey but have now been replaced with positive narrative.  I have a corner in my bedroom where I mediate, write and read.  I call this my "Thinking Corner" but it's much, much more.  This sacred space brings me peace and a sense of calm. We all need our privacy, quiet space where we can think, read or play Words With Friends.  It's so important as we travel our life path, we utilize these spaces and learn to rest, grow and find peace of mind. These spaces should never be intruded upon without our permission (boundaries).  

Fourth and final, learn how to be alone.  It's amazing to me how many people can not be alone! I lived alone for many years before I got married and I'm back to being alone again for the most part.  Now that I have found "me" again, I have found I'm really all I need.  Yes, I love mixing it up with others, attending dinner parties and gatherings but when I'm ready to shut my doors, erect my boundaries and turn my mind off, being alone is a slice of heaven.  I even turn off my phone notifications as when I'm ready for my quiet, I do not want to be disturbed.  We must learn to live in our own reality, make decisions without anyone else's input, and feel confident   When we have taken that profound step in our life's journey I believe, we fully have matured and found ourselves.  Please do not rely on anyone else for your happiness and protect yourself, as no one can do this better than you. Yes people do need people but ultimately we live in our own skins so we must get used to it.

In conclusion, I'm not sure I'm going to continue this blog in this same format. Honestly, I'm  done with my therapeutic ramblings and ready to make a change and branch out to short stories, topical subjects and some spirituality.  I joined a writer's group close to home so I need material to present to the group during our monthly get togethers.  Wearing my heart on my sleeve is over now as I'm healed and does not bode well for reading out loud to my new friends.   I have promised God I will continue my journey and walk my path with integrity but it's time for a much needed change of pace.  So tune in, we'll see where this blog leads us but until then I'll let Spirit lead the way and claim it as good.

On Sunday September 19, 1943, The Daily Word published this affirmation: "Great peace have I because the spirit of God gives me peace."  "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!" Psalm 31:24

One of my newest roses

Our Family Hero

We all have heroes in our lives, those who stand out in our memories as people having done great things.  For most of us it's a parent, grandparent or a person in history.  For me it's cousin Tom, a great American hero in my book.  This Memorial Day, I am honoring Tom for his service, dedication to the United States and the freedoms and liberties we all enjoy.  Tom died defending our way of life and there's a story to be told.

Tommy (as my dad always called him) was born February 27, 1920 in Santa Maria, California.  He was the only child of Abdon and Grace Ontiveros.  Tom and my dad grew up on neighboring farms, that were part of land inherited from their great grandfather, Juan Pacifico Ontiveros and earlier Spanish land grants.  As the story goes, they camped, hunted and fished together as young boys growing up.  Daddy always said Tom was his best friend. I'm sure Tom felt the same.

Tom caught the flying bug quite young.  In 1940, records show he signed up as an Aviation Cadet at the Tex Rankin flight school in Tulare, California.  He had studied and worked as an aviation mechanic at Hancock College in Santa Maria.  Tom's Selective Service card shows he registered with the U.S. military in July of 1941.  When Pearl Harbor was bombed in December of the same year, I believe Tom was called to action.  The Santa Maria Times reported on August 4, 1942, that Tom was made Assistant Flight Commander in the US Army Air Corp.  Through my research, I found many articles reporting on the different honors he received while serving in The American Theater of Operations.   Tom was a man of honor, dignity and American values.

I started my family research in 2010.   After researching the "main players,"  Tom became the point of almost obsession for me as we really never did know what actually happened to him.  After quite a bit of time and patience, his last hours were found and will be reported here.

On November 3, 1943, Tom was the co-pilot flying a B-250 bomber that took off from the U.S. airbase in Gerbini, Sicily.   He was part of the 12th bomber group in the 83rd squadron.  The weather was reported as bad, with a 10 to 12 mile visibility.  There were five crew members on board, no additional passengers were reported and the final destination was La Marsa, Tunisia.  They took off at 9:30 am and contact was lost shortly after. No wreckage was ever found nor were any communications ever received.  The War Department published their final report on November 25, 1943.  

On December 22, 1943, the Santa Maria Times reported Tom as missing in action since November 3.  Dad said he was notified while on his ship in the Pacific.  Imagine the shock for his parents and family, not ever knowing his fate until I got nosey and started investigating.  My belief is Aunt Grace hung the Gold Star Family flag from her farmhouse window, commemorating the loss of her only child.  How sad to think, she died never knowing the true details of his final moments.

2Lt  Abdon Tomas Ontiveros Jr. is noted on the Tablet of the Missing at the Sicily-Rome American Cemetery and Memorial, in Nettuno, Citta Metropolitana di Roma Capitale, Lazio Italy.  May God rest your soul cousin Tom.  You will never be forgotten.

The Tablet in Roma,  Tom is noted at the top        

Gold Star Mother's Flag

Rejoicing In A Balanced Life

Here we are in May.  Putting this blog has not been easy as I've had writer's block or so I thought. I've had such a hard time trying to put my thoughts into words this month.  The month devoted to mothers was going to be the month where I expounded on my experience as a mother, the month where I again honor my own mother and my grannies.  But alas, that's not where this blog is headed although I love and miss my mom and grannies every day.  Something more has smacked me in the face this month.  That is balance and the seeking of balance in our lives today.  

It's crazy isn't it, we're now into the 5th month of 2021!  What happened to the last four months?  All of the sudden it's spring time, flowers are blooming and our daily walks have been moved up to earlier in the day, due to my low riding dog and hot pavement.  I've been in Idaho almost a year and the changes to my life and my own personal "well being" have been amazing.  These days, I seem to have my dance card filled daily with something.  I have manifested gym workouts, golf games, walks, hikes, bike rides, painting parties (yes I painted a picture albeit not a good one) and noshing with the peeps on a Friday night.  I've also been able to fit time in for meditation, prayer work and the reading of my spiritual books and inspirations.  

When I arrived in Idaho, I frankly was broken, sad and very lonely.  Thanks to my girls and new friends, my loneliness and sadness have turned into joy and personal well being.  I love being outside in the air again, mixing it up with new people, places and adventures.  I'm finally starting to see life balanced out and have finally begun to enjoy living alone again (the daughter is here periodically).   I bought a bicycle and have started riding the neighborhood streets.  I hadn't ridden a bike in 20 years but after I had the seat and handle bars adjusted, off I went down the street and circled the block a couple of times!  It needs a better seat as my bony butt is not too comfortable and I'd like a small basket so I can ride past the mail box on my way home, but all and all riding my bike is now my new hobby.

But is this a balanced life?  I'm not sure as I do think there's much more to life itself.  Now that it's warm and I can sit out on my patio, serious reading has begun again.  My new reading material is more of a spiritual nature, as exploring new thoughts and ideas are a way to grow.  I've been taking courses with a spiritual teacher who I consider a personal friend and my thoughts have been expanded past what seemed possible three years ago.  

My writing has started to veer off into new direction as well.  My daily journal has begun a journey of it's own with new thoughts and ideas.  Since we still can't travel far, I've started manifesting the next trip to Scotland.  The drive over to Seattle has been postponed to June or July and I can't wait for Suzanne to post her next Sedona event dates for September (hint, hint, hint).  

Getting up each morning has become easier and easier, the early bird does catch the worm.  I watch very little news as I can't take the fake news lies any longer.  But I do listen to lot's of music and my favorite songs from the past are favorites again today.  I still tweet, occasionally post a picture on Instagram, and comment on Facebook but nothing like I used to.  The all consuming social media has disappeared.  What has replaced it is introspection, exercise and fun.

So rereading these words, yes I do think my life is in balance.  A little here, a little there and viola` life!  My suggestion to my readers is, review your own life and check and see if you're in balance.  You will be amazed at how in line you are to yourself, God and your fellow human.  If not, then there's no time like the present to get a head start, balance it all out and enjoy!

On Sunday August 13, 1973, the Daily Word published this affirmation: "I rejoice in living a balanced life." 

"This is the way, walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

The Bike

Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me

Blogs are tricky business.  Some may say I'm a bit of a narcissist for recounting my life, others say I'm a know it all for expounding on my views.  I see myself as a story teller, someone who has gone out of her comfort zone and has started to tell her story.  My story you see is complicated, not the norm but truly mine.  My story is only starting to be told, these 8 years have been a learning experience.  I have been thinking over this last year, more than one women in the same situation as me, would identify with it.  So I will be recounting my story more and more as these next twelve months unfold, stay tuned

Over this last year, I've met some wonderful souls.  The dear soul I'd like to discuss for this blog is my new friend Janet Tarantino.  Janet is a writer, a prophet of sorts and one who has documented her three near death experiences in her book, "Dying To See."  I met Janet in Sedona and we spoke at length about life and the mystery of death.  I happened to mention the story of my husband's passing and Janet asked if I would be willing to write it as she wants to include it in her next book.  I agreed and asked if I could bring the story to my blog first.  So without further adieu, the "story" for the world to read here first:

I woke up with a start, not sure why at the time, I do now.  The dogs were peacefully sleeping next to me, both snoring their peaceful snores that showed comfort and complete trust.  The air had a heavy feeling, one of almost suffocation or looking back, the heaviness of death.  Once I realized where I was, I was on the couch in the family room, the sensation of finality hit me hard.  But let us digress back to the beginning; before I recount the end.

February 20, 2013 John and I got the blow of a lifetime, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He had not felt well for a while, I thought he was on a diet as he had lost so much weight.  But no, God had other ideas for him, for us.  Pancreatic cancer is a death sentence, I knew it at the time the words came out of the ER doctor’s mouth.  I am not sure John did however, but we found out fast.  He had been sent to the ER by our family practitioner as she thought he might have pancreatitis.  Sadly, it was worse than what we thought, the news I only ever want to hear once in a lifetime.

That evening we sat in the family room and just looked at each other, not sure what to say or if there was anything to say, frankly.  Those words, “you have a tumor growing on your pancreas and it’s cancer” were so hard to understand then and now as I write these words.  Why did this happen to my nice husband?  Why did this happen to our 17-year-old daughter, who adored the father who adored her back?  Why did this happen to our family unit that had begun to grow stronger over that last year or two?  Why?  I still ask that question but now that I understand the Universe better, the question seems to have been answered on so many levels.

But let me continue as the story has several twists and turns.  John began chemotherapy in early March.  By the end of March, he had lost his hair, much of his strength and new pants were needed as he had lost so much weight.  He was sick from the chemo, and I believe now scared as I genuinely believe in his heart, he knew he would not make it.  So, in his own way, he made out his bucket list, first being he needed to live long enough to see our daughter graduate from high school.  That he did and sat proudly on the sidelines, beaming with pride as she accepted her diploma.

His next bucket list item was to make it to July 4.  The chemo was beginning to wear him down and his strength was faltering.  But made it he did, lit firecrackers for the kids in our church parking lot and enjoyed every minute of that last 4^th of July party.  He ate next to nothing, but his spirit was strong that night.  He checked off bucket list item #2.

Meanwhile, the looming consequences of cancer overtook him.  He never really was too interested in attending church with us but now that he knew he had a death sentence, he began to seek higher guidance.  He joined a men’s Bible study and accepted the Lord.  I will always believe the peace he found in Jesus, got him over the threshold and gave him the strength to continue.

The third item on his bucket list was to visit his Texas family one last time.  We flew to Texas after Labor Day and spent several days visiting his remaining aunt and uncle and visited his cousins.  We toured a couple college campuses our daughter was interested in and flew to Orlando and spent a couple of days there at Disneyworld and Universal.  He also flew in a fighter plane from WWII and checked that item off his list as well.  The trip wore him out sadly and when we arrived home, he was simply down for the count for several days.  Chemo resumed but hope was fading, and he was wasting away from the poisons being pumped in his system.  His faith however grew strong, but he knew his time was limited.

We celebrated his 61^st birthday with a huge party of family and dear friends but the end was looming.  Thanksgiving came upon us late that year and his strength was gone.  We had stopped chemo and hospice had come in to help.  Thanksgiving night he fell, our neighbor came and got him back in bed.  The end was looming, and we all knew it was just a matter of days.

Saturday morning, November 30, he asked for morphine.  I gave it to him, he just looked at me and said thank you.  Later that day, he began to stare intently at the corner of the family room from his hospital bed.  He kept motioning to me to look at the corner as he was reaching.  I saw nothing but he saw something.  All day he kept reaching up while watching that corner.  When I laid down on the couch next to him that final night, he was till reaching and looking up at that corner and talking to something.  I found him after 1:00 am Sunday morning December 1, 2013.  He was still looking up with his arms outstretched, he had gone home to the place of peace and love.

As I look back now, I know there were beings of light and love up in that corner beckoning him home.  I know in my heart this for a fact.  I also know for certain he had died only a few minutes before I woke up.  When I went upstairs to wake up our daughter, she was already awake and had that same feeling I had when I opened my eyes.  John woke us both up when his spirit left, to tell us goodbye.   

The Universe has its plans for all of us; those we never really know.  A few months after he died, I was out in my garden one afternoon with the dogs.  It was warm, the sun was shining and when I looked around, I saw him standing there by his barbeque, watching me, watching us.  He had a look of peace on his face, a smile and then I knew, he was leaving us for good.  I have not seen him again as he has moved on to the next dimension.  Those last hours of his life, however, have stayed with me and will continue to do so forever.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

At the Oasis Restaurant, Austin, Texas September 2013

Setting Intentions or What's On Your Bucket List?

April is finally here, flowers are starting to appear, new shoots on the trees and it's spring!  I love spring, it's the time of a new season as we discussed last month. Spring is the time when the weather warms up and and frankly we can pull out our summer clothes and live again.  The air is warming up and here in Boise the warm weather is very welcome after those cold days of winter.  This month is the time to plan for summer, it used to be vacations in the good old pre-Covid days.  Now it's the time to plant our gardens, take short trips and experience new beginnings.  

After the last year of new beginnings that came with uncertainty, deep hurt and lack of understanding, I started to think about the future and what it has to offer.  After reading Eat, Pray, Love and watching the movie the Bucket List, I began pondering my Bucket List.   After a lot of introspection, I've come up with 7 Bucket List intentions to explore.  I'll add more as life continues on and these ideas of course can't be completed at one time but they can be completed over the next 25 years.  So here we go, my Bucket List being made public for the first time with lots of travel so... drum roll please...

1.  I was going to take that dream trip to Egypt this month but I couldn't decide what to do, due to Covid restrictions.  I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind not to go (my higher self saying NO!).  Oddly or not so oddly, the airline canceled my flights so that was that.  Thank goodness I got my money back from Swiss Air so maybe next year I'll see Egypt.  Meanwhile, Egypt is intention #1 on my bucket list of places to see.  

2.  One last trip to Scotland.  My Sinclair clan came from the Caithness region of Scotland.  Caithness is in up the north; yes we are Highlanders, find me a Jamie Frazier please!  There are so many other places to visit but I must see Caithness and satisfy my curiosity.  I want to breath the salty air, experience the scenery of the great north and of course take plenty of pictures of the Scottish Highlands. Scotland is one of my favorite places on earth so naturally it's intention #2 on my bucket list.

3.  I want to visit the Ozarks.  My paternal grandmother was born in Mammoth Springs, Arkansas.  She  was a southern cook extraordinaire and to my understanding had plenty of stories of southern life.  I want to see where she was born, visit some of my Jeffery cousins and experience Arkansas life.  Give me a couple of years and I will visit intention #3 on my Bucket list..

4.  Australia and New Zealand keep calling me.  I have found through my ancestor search, 4 cousins in Australia and they all have invited me to visit.  Seeing the Southern Cross, visiting the Sydney Opera House and watching the Southern Lights down under in Adelaide, is definitely on my bucket list.  Give me a few more years folks and I'll be posting pictures on Instagram of kangaroos, kola bears and of course me and the cousins.  Bucket List intention #4 will be quite an experience for sure!

5.  Travel isn't the only thing I have on my list, golf is my next thought.  I want to be a good golfer.  Now, I know I'll never be Arnold Palmer or Tiger Woods, but I really want to be a GOOD golfer.  I want to be able to play without embarrassment, enjoy the game and hit a 150 yard drive off the first tee straight down the middle.  I fully intend to do so and will report back when I do.  Meanwhile, I will play twice a week until the ground freezes up, practice my swing and try not to get too frustrated if I miss hitting the ball the first time.  Golf is a game that one can only get better at by playing it.  Thus, golf is Bucket List intention #5.

6.  My other passion in life is my spiritual side.  I set aside time daily in the morning, to meditate and talk to God.  Two years ago when I visited Sedona, I was awestruck by the red rocks and spiritual vibe created when one stands and looks out at the scenery. Sedona is the place of new beginnings, new thoughts and dreams.  In Sedona, I have searched my soul and found peace of mind.  I went to Sedona the first time and thought I found love, the second time to heal my heart and soul and this last time to the begin again.  Bucket List intention #6 therefore is to visit Sedona twice a year. 

7.  Last but not least, I want to fall in love again.  I want that experience of loving someone again who will love me back in the same way.  Is this possible?  I hope so and now that this intention is public,  I'm ready finally to try it one more time.  Nothing is for certain,  life is full of risks but yes, let's try it one more time.   Bucket List intention #7 is now under God's complete control and the Universe has my back.

So my friends, what's on your intention list?  I'm excited to hear if any of my ideas resonate with my readers.  Like minds do think alike you know...  

On Tuesday September 7, 2010, The Daily Word had this to say about setting intentions:  "I live my life with intention, trusting in Divine outcome."  The accompanying verse from the Bible reads: "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."  Psalm 37:5 

In Like a Lion

March is the month we move into Daylight Savings time, spring is close and the days are getting longer.  The old proverb says, "In like a lion, out like a Lamb."  March is the month we begin again, a new season is being born,  new creations of the light.  Therefore, this month we are exploring the seasons of life.  

All life forms move through seasons.  The four seasons we experience on earth are symbols of what we experience in our lives.   Back in the 1960's, the Byrds sang a popular song called Turn, Turn, Turn. In those days, I had not studied the Bible or it's meanings, philosophy or deep thought.  I was just a kid, playing jacks, ogling Davy Jones and listening to the Beatles.  It wasn't until 30 years ago, when I started to read and try to understand what the prophets wrote, that I began to understand the true meaning of these prophetic words.  The song quoted from one of my favorite books and verses in the Old Testament and one I've quoted from frequently while writing this blog.  So to begin, let's examine the verses and then reflect.  

As quoted from the ASV version of the Bible:

Ecclestaies 3:1-8 - "For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to chase away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."  

This chapter and verses are life lessons for us all as we move through our seasons.  When I was young and impulsive, I had no idea how to keep my mouth shut.  If I had understood, there is a time to keep silence, I would probably not have gotten myself in so much trouble with my parents, my friends or coworkers.  I probably would have had a better marriage and longer lasting relationships.  Keeping silent is a lesson learned but only until the season I'm moving through currently, do I fully understand the power of silence.  These days, instead of watching the news or some boring show on Netflix, I sit in silence, pray, meditate, read and reflect.  Meditation is cleansing for me.  I allow God to speak to me in meditation; while in prayer I speak to God.  I meditate in the morning after I journal, I mediate while on my daily walks and while driving my car. In those silent times, I listen to what God says to me and take heart.

I also read when the urge takes over.  I'm not the voracious reader I once was, as my tastes have changed.  These days I read more philosophy, spiritual tomes or history.   I'm reading a lovely book called You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh a Buddhist Monk.  His premise and one I whole heartedly subscribe to, is to live in the now.  The past is past and the future is not here yet.  I have learned over this last year how true this is.  I'm manifesting for the future, envisioning what it will look like, but I'm not stuck there.  Goals, dreams and aspirations are great but we must live in the moment and the moment is now.

The season of new beginnings, a time to plant, comes upon us in the spring time.  Seeds are planted for the fall harvest and new beginnings for yours truly as I begin to complete my first year in Idaho.  I have joined a Tuesday morning golfing group, weather permitting. Golfing has become a bit of a passion for me.  I took up golf two years ago as it was a bucket list check off item.  I found out I loved it and being out in the sunshine, fresh air and blue skies are all wonderful mood lifters.  However, if I could get my swing in better shape, I'd be doing great.  Putting... well lets just say that needs some work as well...

A time to heal is upon us all.  No matter what side of the aisle we are on, we must heal ourselves and our country.  Too much hate, division and animosity exists.  Stop and I mean STOP watching political hit shows and start thinking for yourself.  We have become mind numbed robots, walking blindly behind the leader of choice.  The time is now to understand right from wrong, fact from fiction and if it feels wrong it's WRONG!

The last season of new beginnings to discuss this month is a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.  Love is all we need isn't it?  Pure love is God.  Love keeps the world alive, thriving and our lives moving on.  Hate is darkness; evil and war are the result of hate.  How do we eliminate war and hate?  It's almost impossible frankly but it is possible to shine our beacon of love and light daily.  One little ray of love is like a tiny ripple a rock makes when it's tossed in a pond.  That ripple reaches out beyond us into humanity as a whole and the Universe.  Now is the time to make the decision as to who we want to become, the ripple of hate or the ripple of love.  I chose love for this next season, the season of new beginnings.  

Therefore my friends, let's end this month's dialogue on a note of love and peace from 1 Corinthians 13:13,  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

  

A Mother's Love

February is the month that Cupid shoots his arrows once again into the hearts of millions.  Cards, candy and sweet touching gifts are all the rage in February.  February for yours truly however, is the remembrance of my mother, as February 7 was her birthday.  So instead of discussing all the sugary sweet thoughts of St. Valentine, this month I'd like to honor my mother.

Mom was a first generation American.  Her parents traveled separately from the UK and met each other in Pasadena.  They married on December 5, 1918 and six years later, after a son and daughter, along came my mother Margaret.  Another daughter came along five years later, making Mom one of the two middle children.  Mom was the caretaker of sorts to her brother and sisters.  She was the one who helped take care of Aunt Helen when she was a baby, bandaged Aunt Barbara's knees and the steady faithful friend to my Uncle Harry.  All through their lives, the Sinclair siblings stayed close.  Mom was the catalyst I think, they all talked to her regularly and she loved them all equally.

Mom was a stunner as were her two sisters.  I often wonder what my grandfather must have thought, when he looked around the dinner table at his three gorgeous daughters.  Being an old fashioned Victorian man, he probably panicked a bit and became overly protective.  The story goes that any kind of lipstick, nail polish or face makeup was frowned on.  Aunt Barbara once said he made her remove her lipstick but it went right back on after she left the house.  But back to Mom, she was the most beautiful of the three, in my eyes and of course in my dad's eyes.  There was never a puppy or a kitten mom didn't love.  There was always through out her life time, pets who she adored.  Mom simply loved animals.

My grandfather didn't believe girls needed an education, so after high school mom went to work for Bell Telephone in Los Angeles.  A couple of months later, my grandfather died so Mom contributed to the family income.  She was a fun loving, gorgeous young lady, who during WWII,  danced with the service men at the USO shows and enjoyed her life as best she could during wartime America.  I'm sure more than one sailor or soldier took away the memory of dancing with the slender girl with big brown eyes and beautiful curly hair!  Possibly mom's image carried them through the battles ahead and gave them hope they would return home in one piece.

My parents met at the phone company in 1948 and were married in 1949.  I came along six years later as mom had had several troubled pregnancies, resulting in premature births of children that did not survive.  This being said, I was probably the most wanted baby in all of 1955!  

Mom and I didn't always see eye to eye as most mother and daughters do not.  We had our share of squabbles as I have had with my own daughter.  Somehow we always made up and life went back to normal.  I didn't always like my mother, didn't feel I needed the criticisms and disapproval.  The advise she so freely dished out was not always appreciated but all of this was given with the love that mothers have wrapped in their tender hearts.  I'm sure my own flesh and blood feels the same way about me, after all I am her mother!

My parents moved up to Washington two years after we made the move and lived close to us for the remaining years of their lives.  Mom loved all her grandchildren but living close to our Kristina, built a bond between the two of them that remains today, even after mom's passing.  Kristina looks just like Mom in so many ways and sometimes I see Mom's smile or her merriment in Kristina's eyes.  She is truly a spitting image of my lovely mother.

During the last year of mom's life, we spent a lot of time together.  She was with us when John died and was my support system during those sad days.  We moved her into an assisted living home close to my house in Washington and every night we'd talk to each other about the present times, the past and about trivial things only mother's and daughters discuss.  I got to know her in a different way, those last few months and I thank God I had the opportunity.  You see, the lack of appreciation I had for her disappeared and during those final months, I came to love and respect her in a way I would never have thought possible.

In November of 2014, 11 months after John died, Mom passed away after a fall in her apartment.  She was 89, the same age as my dad when he passed.  I have so much to tell her now, about my three trips to the UK, Kristina's journeys and about all the wonderful things that have befallen me over these last 6 years.  I miss her terribly and could have used her advise and comforting words over these last few years. More than once I wanted to dial the phone and hear her sweet voice and loving heartfelt words.  But alas, there is no more but just memories, pictures from the past, cards and letters.  I know in my heart she and my dad are together.   Our sweet Nicholas is there with them, snuggled between them waiting for his belly scratches.  I'm comforted that they are all fine, where they are is in peace and love.

Happy 96th birthday Mommy, we all love and miss you.  I'll toast you with my Tangueray gin cocktail with a slice of lime!  You will never be forgotten.  Cheers!   XX OO

"Her children rise up and called her blessed" Proverbs 31:28

Mom At Catalina about 1945

Mom and Bonnie, 2013