We Deserve The Very Best

As we travel on this journey of life, we encounter many twists and turns, good times and bad, happiness and sorrow.  As I ponder these hills and valleys, I always seek to figure out what is truly my life's purpose.  I've discussed my feelings over many blogs but I've finally come to the decision there are many women (and men) just like me, who have hit this time of middle age and have no clue as to what's next.  Recently, while I was writing in my morning journal, I had a true epiphany.  My purpose is to speak my truth to others with the same life questions, doubts and fears.  One avenue for me to do this is sharing my heart in this blog.  When the lightening bolt hit that morning, I came to realize this blog could be valuable not just for me but for others as well.  I keep track as to how many people read these every month and I actually count over fifty, some months even more.  This is huge for an unknown such as I, sitting in my house with my dog.  I am heartened to know I have resonated with at least 50 people, all who have joined me on this journey of life.

Therefore over the coming months, we are all together going to explore our new journey.  This blog will most likely resonate more with women than with men, women more my age than younger, but I hope those of all ages who know me will keep an open mind as I believe, I have something to offer everyone.  Men may find my words will give them insight into the thoughts and ideas of their wives and girlfriends.   I do not think I'm much different than other women and there are so many out there who have faced some of the same challenges that I have.  The more I talk to people, the more I realize I'm really very normal.   I very much want to hear from my readers with comments and other life questions to explore in the upcoming months.  But for the purpose of this writing, we're going to explore the title, We Deserve the Very Best.

So many of us have been taught to believe we are not deserving.  We’ve been programmed to believe we are not worthy of a great love, a great life, a great car or a great house.  What bullshit!  We all deserve the very best and have the absolute right to believe it into existing.  Manifesting for instance a new house, is normal.  Why would we want to settle for something that is not what we want, or is substandard to our purposes?  Frankly why would we settle if it's not the right for us?  When I moved to Boise last year, I moved with the clear intention of exactly what kind of house I wanted, the basic area where I wanted to live and of course my price range.  I made a well defined list and voila I now live in a new build, single story home with 3 bedrooms and a nice size yard to garden and for Bonnie to play. This house fits all my furniture (I was not ready to downsize), has a large garage for all my other stuff and in a great location.  I manifested this home, put it out to God to handle and a year later I am still comfortable and content living in Casa de Teresa.  I am deserving of my new house and give thanks with gratitude daily. 

Thirty years ago or more, I learned a way to manifest and this was to make a well defined list. When I finally decided it was time to get married, I made a detailed list of everything I was looking for in husband material.  I tweaked that list for several months and by "accident" John appeared in my life and for the next 20 years we experienced the twists and turns that life offered us.  There were a few areas where I was not specific enough.  For instance, I asked for a baseball fan but did not specify which team.  Turned out I married a die hard Yankee fan and here I was a die hard Dodger fan.  That difference created a lot of angst, especially during World Series time.  I learned to love the Yankees but the Dodgers never left my heart.  Another small item I forgot to add was I wanted a "Jack of All Trades" type guy.  Well not so much in that department either but hey, Handymen do need to earn a living...

Three years ago, I decided it was time to think about dating again as John had been gone five years.  I made my list again but sadly for my heart and soul, I forgot a few pertinent details that I have included in the newest list for my age appropriate boyfriend.  This sad experience just goes to show, the more exact and detailed one is, the better the results.  If it seems like an obvious "no biggie" or "that's just a given," I promise you that they are NOT.  Be specific as the Universe gives us what we asked for and those "no biggies" or "that's a given" are glaring and destructive if neglected on our list.  I'm just saying, as I lived it out sadly... Ugh...

So I divert back to my original intent for this blog.  We deserve the very best, the very best out there appropriate for us and the very very best of what life has to offer.  No one, not one of us, should ever settle for anything less.  If we do, we diminish our own self worth.  Recently when I was making the "boyfriend" list, a friend of mine said to me, you want only the Cream of The Crop.  I got to thinking, I've run the gamut from great to creepy, slovenly to clean and smelling good.  Nope I won't settle,  I want the Cream of The Crop dammit, I deserve it and I'm not settling.  I see so many women my age just settle because they think this is the end of the road.  Selling out to less than what we deserve is simply not acceptable with our new way of thinking.  Ladies, and men, stand in the truth for what you want and go forth and find what your heart desires.  Trust me, it's out there, don't settle!  You dear heart, deserve nothing less than the very best 

"The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do."  Unknown

The Awesome State of Being Middle Age

September is Yours Truly' s birthday month and time take to take an assessment of the past year.. As I approach year 66, I have entered into a state of awesome wonder as I simply can not believe I've lived this long.  I'm not one to celebrate much, frankly I don't really celebrate at all.  The days of ice cream and cake and tons of presents are over and have been for several years.  I'm not one to be the center of attention so singing Happy Birthday is probably not going to go over well.  These days however, the days of middle age, I take more stock in where I came from and where I'm going.  So here I am, number 66 is upon me and I ask, who the hell am I at this stage of life?  What is my path, my purpose and what do I do next?  Therefore, this month I'm again opening my heart and soul  and will try to take a leap into the future while speaking from today.

I remember asking my grandmother why she wanted to live alone, thinking she was probably lonely.  I can remember her saying, “I just don't want to take care of an old man, I don’t like being around old people and I like my life the way it is.”  Well, I feel ya Nannie!  I enjoy my freedom and I like being around people young at heart as I'm not ready to be an old fuddy duddy yet nor will I ever be one by the way.  After the emotional roller coaster I experienced through the breakup with Mr. Wonderful, I’m doing just fine alone with my sweet Bonnie and peace of mind.  Okay so perhaps an age appropriate boyfriend would be nice or a pool boy but I don’t have a swimming pool so forget that.  The cute trainer at the local gym is not my style and way too young so I've thrown my hands up and just learned to trust.  I have tried on line dating by the way, and it is not for sissies.  I had one coffee date with a complete loser and the rest who've reached out seem to be fakes, frauds or phonies.  Therefore I'm good just the way it is now and listening to my higher self.  I'm still open to a new love if the Universe wants to drop someone interesting into my life again.  However, please, please, please do not bring me an old man or one with tons of baggage, drama or financial woes.  I'm simply not up to the emotional effort of being an old man's "darling."   

My parent traveled a lot in their RV and I tend to think they saw all of the lower 48.  I’d love to do that and I must admit I’m a bit envious of my friends who have RVs and travel trailers.  It was a thought we had ten years ago but now just a dream.  I would like to visit all 50 states but frankly, not alone in an RV.   But traveling is still on my agenda and now that I took the jab, I'm able to start planning again. Recently I got an email from an on line travel group and threw caution to the wind.  So, I’m flying off to Peru and Ecuador to see Manchu Picchu, the rainforests and the beautiful Andes in September of 2022.  Over the next twelve months, I will have plenty of time to contemplate, set up a Peru 2022 travel board on Pintrest and save my pennies for souvenirs and the fun stuff.   I won't back out of this trip and will post pictures on Instagram when the time comes.

I love music but didn't listen to much of anything in the first few years after John died.  Several years ago I again began to listen to the music I once loved.  The at one time very hip music of the original "boy band" the Beatles, is still a top favorite in my music queue.  Jackson Browne, The Byrds, George Strait and yes my favorite of all The Monkees are all there as well.   So I guess my darling One and Only snickers a bit when she hears me sing along to Last Train to Clarksville, Twist and Shout or my very favorite, I'm a Believer.   Maybe my music is old fashioned to Generation X and the Millennials but who the hell cares!  I will continue to sing to my heart's content and our music someday, when we're in the nursing home, will be Stairway to Heaven or Doctor My Eyes.  

Okay so let’s explore the spiritual side of being 66.  Believe it or not realistically, we’ve only got maybe 25 more good years.  Those 25 will go by fast if we don’t take advantage of every moment!  After I retired I made a practice to get up early every morning and enjoy the day. Seven years later, I still get up no later than 7:00 and enjoy my coffee while watching the sun rise. By the way, the sunrise in Idaho can not be surpassed and will report back what I observe in Peru.  I give thanks every morning to God for allowing me another day and allowing me the opportunity to live for another moment.  I pray the Universe will allow me to be a light for someone to resonate with.  Being a light is not just being a faithful friend or throwing a couple bucks at a homeless shelter, it’s so much more.  After opening my mind, listening and truly understanding what the Universe has to say, being a light is being of pure heart and soul, walking with honor and integrity.  Am I that pure heart?  No I’m not always but I’m trying hard to listen, learn and be an example.  One basic lesson I have learned is be who you are meant to be, be the very best you can be and stand in your truth for good.  There still exists the basic truths for life and the Ten Commandments speak it well.  We need to take heed of these ten basic truths, understand the simplicity in them and begin to live by them again.  The world would certainly be a much better place!  

So finally I ask myself, are you happy or just existing?  Are you still sad and angry or happy with who and where you are on this journey?  I can say I’m finally happy and happy with the new life I’ve created.  It's taken me awhile to admit this by the way as it's been a rather uncertain 15 months. Looking back, to pick up, move to where I knew basically no one was incredibly brave.  I left my safety net of twenty years and took a giant leap of faith.  This journey we call life has had its twists and turns, happiness and sorrow, good times and bad.  I look at every person I've met on this journey, this is every single one and I call them a blessing.  The lessons I've learned from these blessings will continue to affect me into the future and beyond.  Not one experience was a waste, just a learning experience. 

In conclusion and to begin this new year of life, I have now risen above all the muck and BS and can say, Happy 66th Birthday to Me.

The following affirmation was published in the August 2021 Spiritual Living Magazine.  It will become my life quote for year 66:  

"Today I pause to listen to the voice within.  It calls me to be who I am meant to be.  I follow my heart and live a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, I am at peace."

June 2021, Hulls Gulch trail Boise, Idaho

America, We Hardly Know You

I am one who sits and ponders the past, time with my parents and grandparents and consider myself a nostalgic person.  I think all the time of growing up in the late 1950's and 1960's and wonder to myself, what happened to the America we once knew? This month I'm going to take us down memory lane and explore the America we grew up in compared to the America we live in now.   

I remember sitting on the swing in our back yard in Pasadena.  We used to swing, play dolls and have tea parties all day.  I remember smelling the trash burning in the neighbor's incinerator and hearing sonic booms in the background while waiting to be called in for lunch.  In those days, the days of Chuck Yeager, John Glenn and John F. Kennedy, we felt as though we were on the precipice of greatness.  I'm dating myself back to 1961 where Telstar was on the cover of the Weekly Reader, Jacqueline Kennedy was our gracious first lady and 3 of four grandparents were alive and well.  Those were the days; Dennis The Menace, Mr. Ed, Leave It To Beaver and Gunsmoke were the popular  TV shows we watched and Vietnam was just another country on the map.  I was just a little kid, had no clue as to what life was or would become.  My Barbie and Ken were my best friends and my cat Mimi had just had a litter of six kittens.  I say this now as I was such an innocent baby, we all were, life even for adults was different then compared to now.  I'm sure my parents had plenty of worries and fears.  My dad went through two wars in the navy so he knew of what could be.  How would we ever have guessed, 60 years later, America would be in throes of a socialist take over and on the verge of complete societal collapse.

Today, life has completely changed.  Today we have anarchists' running the streets, tearing down cities and wrecking havoc to those who try to defend themselves and their property.  Private property seems to have no meaning any longer.  The worthless politicians are now trying to put a moratorium on renters so they no longer need to pay rent!  These dimwits do not understand that the rents pay the mortgages and the banks expect the payments to be paid on time every month or penalties will be assessed.   No longer do the business owners, landlords and private citizens walking the streets have a voice. The voice of the tax paying citizen has gone and been replaced. How about we the tax payer, stop paying our taxes?  These worthless politicians would squeal like stuck pigs!

Americans in 1961 would not have imagined the chaos that seems to permeate our cities and states.  Our social mores have disappeared and the lack there of is affecting our children and grandchildren.  We have destroyed our civilization, much like the Romans back at the time of Nero.  Our worthless politicians have let the criminals out of prisons to wreck havoc on society.  The hopefully soon to be ex governor of California is emptying his prisons of this garbage, and allowing them to run rough shot over the cities he was elected to protect.  What happened to the success of  the civil rights marches in the early 1960's?  Vile racist talk now has again permeated our society and racism is now being used as an convenient excuse.

So, what can be done to change our society and live in peace again?  I have a few suggestions and I pray they are understood in the correct way and not twisted.

  Recognize we are ALL created equal under the constitution and under God.  Do now look at anyone as less than but as equal to.  

  Keep the criminals locked up.  It's high time we understand that there are consequences to bad behavior.  The Bible says and eye for an eye, if one kills or maims an innocent, they are locked up and the key thrown away. 

 Take back our cities with law and order and stop the madness.  The police are there for a reason, treat them with respect as we must have laws to protect the innocent.  Yes, there are bad cops but there are also bad politicians, bad clergy, bad seeds everywhere.  The bad will never out weigh the good so weed them out.

 Stop voting for the garbage.  To take America back, we need honest, decent, fair minded men and women to run our cities, states and country.  The career politicians need to go, term limits applied and good hard working civic minded people must be elected into office (on both sides of the aisle).  We must stop voter fraud and intimidation.  Sorry folks but fraud got us to where we are today and I will not back down from this statement.  

  Finally, get back to basics, love your family, your friends and your country again.  I do not care what your religious beliefs are but basic morals and values, love and positive energy must replace the rotgut that permeates our culture today.  Getting back to basics means, the crap taught in our public schools must be replaced with reading, writing and arithmetic.  Our colleges and universities need to change their standards and teach our kids careers and skills not social indoctrination.  We have kids graduating from college with no understanding of basic economics or how businesses are run.  Two plus two now equals five! Morals and values need to be taught at home, by parents and grandparents, not by teachers or daycare providers.

Our country and the world as whole is at stake.  It's in our hands, not the hands of the Deep State politicians who's only desire is money and destroying our lives for their own gain.  It's time my friends, to take back America!

Me in Pasadena 1960 

That Was Then, This Is Now

July is upon us, the second half of 2021 has commenced, the pandemic is supposedly over and we will celebrate America's birthday on the fourth.  As I sit and ponder the significance of all these "mile stones," I wonder what's next with my life's journey?   I think to myself every morning how far I have come in my evolution and what is in store.  That Was Then, This Is Now has become my mantra.  Therefore, this month I want to explore both my journey and society's journey over the last 12 months.

This time last year I had just up rooted my entire life, moved to Boise to begin again.  This time last year, I had just sold my house in Washington, a state I had lived in for almost 20 years and moved to a new area where I knew very few people, where I woke up every morning in the high desert, hot weather and plenty of sunshine.  These were all things that I manifested but every morning I'd ask myself what the heck did I just do?  That Was Then. 

The That Was Then continues with society as a whole.  Then, back in 2020, we were in the full throttle of an election that was contentious, foreboding and filled with vitriol (this was on both sides mind you, not just one).  The pandemic was going strong and a sense of foreboding was in the air.  Masks were required even if we were at the gas station and don't mention the price of gas between then and now.  That Was Then was when we had no clue when this madness would stop!  We couldn't go to the movies, dine in a restaurant or work out at the gym.  Zoom calls became our new normal and social distancing became our best friend. Our lives were constrained by new laws, rules, regulations and a sense if we step out of line, we'd get our hands slapped or even worse.  I remember seeing a picture somewhere of a surfer out in the waters of Malibu, wearing that stupid freaking mask!  We'd see people alone in their car wearing that God forsaken face diaper!  That Was Then.

The "Then's" started to slowly change in the fall.  All of the sudden like magic, masks were being questioned, the seriousness of the "virus" was being challenged and by Christmas, the bindings that tied us so tightly were slowly loosening their grip.  Change was in the air, we could smell the sweetness of possible freedom.  There was a glimmer of hope all of the sudden, or so proclaimed Fake News.  Then poof, the diabolical little doctor, changed his tune (from one day to the next) and maybe the seriousness of this pandemic was possibly overstated.  Maybe just maybe, getting a vaccine was the ticket to freedom.  Maybe just maybe the facemasks didn't work after all.  Maybe just maybe all of this was in vain.  

I know thousands of people died from this dreaded disease.  We have one close friend and several elderly acquaintances, all of who had underlying conditions, that sadly died from Covid.  I don't want it so I succumbed to the bullying and nasty comments and got the jab.  It didn't kill me obviously and the side effects were not major but my sense of self was lessened.  I'm sorry I got the jab and I won't get the third jab as frankly, I'm not sure it works anyway.  I stepped out of my integrity and sense of self and let my body become a Guinea Pig.  No I didn't grow horns, or have my period restart but I did loose a bit of self respect for allowing myself to be bullied and mocked.  That my friends was Then.

So This Is Now, July 2021.  I see very few in my area wearing the mask.  I see beautiful smiling faces again.  Ballparks are open, outdoor market places are back in full swing, churches, restaurants and public pools are back in business.  Living here in beautiful Idaho has given me a renewed sense that something is going right again.  Thank goodness we did not have all the restrictions here, that were imposed in other states.  I feel for those living in states where the rules and regulations are still in effect, where governors still have their heads up their collective butts and are imposing strict regulations as to who can do what.  This Is Now, the sunshine, hot summers and smell of freedom rings true.  I no longer wake up wondering what the hell I did but thank the Universe daily for bringing me to Boise, introducing me to new people and ideas and reintroducing me to me.

The "This Is Now Me" is a new person.  I have moved on with my life and have become someone very different that the person I left in Seattle.  This girl is ripe and ready for new challenges, a new beginning and has renewed hope and an understanding that this is not all there is.  New thoughts and ideas await me as I move through this time of my life.  This new beginning is wonderful and I pray that society as a whole, takes on the same challenge to begin again.  

So in conclusion, what can we do to be in the "This Is Now?"  First of all, read and study both sides of the equation.  If it smells rotten, it's rotten.  Second, be who you are and do not allow yourself to be bullied into something that is not right for you. Third, stand up for what is right.  Stand up for the principals our country was founded on and be true to yourself.  We live in America folks, not a third world shit hole.  It's time we turn the tide on the madness that overtook us in 2020, the That Was Then, and begin to Live in the Now.  America is worth saving.  Our sense of freedom, integrity and sense of self is worth everything our forefathers fought and died for.  We need to get off our butts and speak out for what we hold dear.  It's time folks, to Begin Again, in the Now.

Happy Birthday America, from the one who lived in the "Then" but now lives in the "Now!" 

God bless America,

Land that I love, 

Stand beside her and guide her, 

Through the night with the light from above

From the mountains to the prairies

From the oceans white with foam

God bless America, my home sweet home

Amen To That

Amen to that we say

As our path of time marches on

Amen to that we say

When the night returns to dawn

Amen to that we say

When friendships fade or fray

Amen to that we say

When our heartbreaks go away

We can say amen with glee when time has healed all wounds

We can say amen with glee as we march to our own sweet tunes

We can say amen with glee when we take that great giant leap

We can say amen with glee as we wake up from our sleep

To say amen is freeing

To say amen is fair

But never say amen unless 

Your soul is ready, please beware

And so, it is … amen

A Father's Day Tribute

Today is the day we honor our fathers. Last year I wrote a tribute to my father and I want to re-share that story but with updates as life has changed over the last year.  So following is my updated tribute to the greatest man I've ever known my daddy, Richard Ontiveros.  

Daddy grew up on a ranch in the Tepusquet hills surrounding Santa Maria, California.  His father had decided he wanted to be a rancher and had inherited some land the family had been granted by the Spanish government.  The Ontiveros family was a founding family in California, coming up by horse back from Mexico in 1781.  Juan Pacifico Ontiveros, my 3rd great grandfather, was granted Rancho San Juan Cajon de Santa Ana and later bought Rancho Tepusquet in Santa Barbara and San Luis Obispo counties.  That land was parceled off to various family members and my grandfather, Kencho Ontiveros was granted several acres to do with what he pleased. 

Kencho married my grandmother Lee Lancaster on February 7, 1914 in San Franciso.  He brought his beautiful bride to Santa Maria, built a home for her and there they lived until that house burned down when Dad was maybe ten.  Two children were raised on that land, my Aunt Eleanore and my daddy, Dick as he preferred to be called. 

The Depression hit the family hard.  Dad always said that his father would give away extra food and supplies to neighboring families who were not quite as fortunate.  The Ontiveros family however, did without quite a bit.  One story was Grandma would buy a Snickers bar and cut it into four pieces, that was the Saturday night treat.  Among other crops, Grandpa raised what are known as Santa Maria Pink Beans.  They were best picked when the morning air was still cool and damp.  The family of four would be out in the fields picking those beans at 3am, before the actual farming day would begin or in the case of the children, school day.  Those 3am bean picking mornings are what instilled in Dad, his tremendous work ethic and sense of responsibility.

After the fire, Dad and Grandpa rebuilt that house.  I saw it one time, it was small, had running water and indoor plumbing.  It also had electricity.  Dad always said the he helped install the wiring in that house when he was about twelve.  He worked as one my grandfather's field hands during the summer.  The last week of summer, before the harvest and school starting, is when Dad got time off.  He worked hard all summer long, so that last week of summer was his play time.

Sunday morning December 7, 1941 was the day that lived in infamy.  Dad was attending Santa Maria Junior College at the time, with aspirations of being a woodworking/shop teacher and attending Ohio State.  When Pearl Harbor was bombed, Dad joined the navy and for the next 4 years, he was on various ships in the Pacific.  Those years, he always claimed, were the best of his life.  He grew up, left the ranch as a boy and returned in 1945 as a man.  Dad never did attend college, he took care of his parents after the war.

My parents married in 1949.  I was born in 1955 and my sister in 1958.  We witnessed a traditional marriage between two people who loved and were devoted to each other.  They were our role models, our security and were the two best people we would ever know.  We saw Daddy going to work every morning, come home every night and love our mother and us with undying devotion.  Daddy devoted the sixty four years of marriage to making our mother happy and comfortable and to us he gave us his love.

Daddy's been gone 9 years next month and I miss him every, single day.  There are days where I'm simply glad he's not here now to witness the state of the world as he'd be in continual angst.  From where he sits now, I can see him shaking his head and saying, "how did this happen?"  The last time I spoke to Daddy, we said we loved each other, two days later he was gone.  I know in my heart, he's still with me, walking with me on my path and hopefully saying; "Terry, you've done me proud."  

So, Happy Father's Day Daddy, I miss and love you.

Thank You My Friend

This blog is a poem that came to me in a dream.  

You picked me out of the crowd
You made me feel whole again 

You launched me into a new way of life

Thank you

                                                                                          

You gave me back my sense of self 

You gave me a new beginning

You loved me and let me go

Thank you

The dust has finally settled

The dusk turned into dawn

The me inside has emerged again

Thank you

My eyes are open to truth

The past is past, the future's not here yet

My soul has healed

Thank you

So off I go, new beginnings

New adventures to behold

You'll always have a piece of my heart

Thank You

I send now love and blessings

So be happy with the life you chose

Do not ever forget me as I will never forget you

Thank you my friend