Self Help or Helping One's Self

Self help books can be good, bad or hilarious.  It just depends who the author is, the subject matter and the genre for whom the book is intended.  But books can only go so far but without a mentor or a unbiased party to pour one's heart out to, books are just what they are one sided and mute.

We all must recognize we need help for one thing or another in our lives.  Sex, drugs and rock and roll only will go so far, but that trusted unbiased party who will listen without judgment, giving sound advise and plenty of kleenex for the tears, can be a wonderful sounding board.  I am so lucky, between my Bible and the dearest person ever created, Chris, I have lived to tell another story.

When John first got sick, we were advised to seek grief therapy.  I was dragged kicking and screaming as I was so sure I didn't need help.  For goodness sake, I was perfect, could handle my emotions myself and no one needed to hear me blather.  I'm here to tell the story now, in this blog, I was the exact opposite.  For the past seven years, I've been pouring my heart out to an saint, literally a true saint.  She saved me from self destruction, consuming grief from losing a spouse and recently from a lost love.  So moving forward, I'd like to impart some of her wisdom, advise and what I've learned through true self help.

First; We are all okay.  We all have experiences that make us who we are today, in this moment.  These experiences shape us, make us able to cope and give us lessons to learn from.  In order to move forward in our lives, learning from our experiences is key to success.  Just don't make the same mistake twice, as I have often done.  If  you do make that same mistake twice, simply dust yourself off and be mindful for the third time.  Three's a charm but in this case a curse. 

Second; We are all Whole, Perfect and Complete human beings.  I learned this concept thirty years ago when I started studying spirituality.  As time has moved on and I became a Christian, the truth became clear that we are all created in the image of God, a complete likeness of Him.  All we ever need in life can be found within our own selves through prayer and meditation.  When I sit in the stillness of the early mornings, God speaks to me in ways I would never have known.  So much peace and comfort can be found just by knowing that Divine Love is found within me.  We can all experience this truth, just go within and try it.

Third:  Keep a journal and record your thoughts daily.  Chris gave me a journal three years ago to record my thoughts, desires, heartaches and experiences.  I was not in tune one hundred percent until a year ago.  I began to record my thoughts daily in my journal, my deepest secrets, desires and longings.  Before I moved, I threw them away as there was too much TMI in them and no one should have ever got their hands on them.  Since then, my new morning journals are full of self healing, planned trips, new starts and scattered in the pages,  my tears.  Recently, I started writing these blogs in a large brown journal and I use that journal for blog writing only.   I'll keep all of these tomes, and some day my potential grandchildren can look at them and have a good laugh about their Granny.

Fourth; Exercise daily.  It's important to get  daily exercise not just for our personal health but for our mental health as well.  Take a daily walk or go to the gym and walk the treadmill, the eliptical or lift some weights.  As mentioned last week, I have a great trainer who puts me through the paces twice a week.  I feel so much better when I crawl out of the gym and breath that sigh of relief.  I've been training for five years and all of the trainers I've had, have treated me like the 30 year old who lives in my mind.  I'll never be able to thank them enough as they changed my life.

Fifth: Socialize with quality people.  Befriend people who share the same core values, lifestyles, spiritual beliefs and politics (yes politics) as you do.  Over the last year, I've met some quality people who I hope will stay friends with me forever.  My church friends have been invaluable and I still have wonderful friends from high school days who love me, support me through the good and bad times.  Friends are valuable and in some cases can become family, when family isn't close by.  I can only hope I have been as much as an encouragement to them as they have been to me.  So this is a great, big THANK YOU!

Finally, never lose faith.  Self Help is just what it sounds like, Self Help.  We can try to take the journey of life on our own but people need people and more importantly we need God.  In the words of Proverbs 3:5-6; Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  ~Amen

 

Sunrise/Sunset

I'm loving my new home in Idaho, watching the sun rise above the roof tops from my bedroom window and sitting on my patio watching the sun set behind me at night.  Sitting outside, meditating and pondering my life, has given me pause to think of how the sun has risen and set for millions of years.  Billions of people have watched it rise and set, much the same way as I do.  My ancestors must have looked up from the fields or ships and marveled at the sky.  It's interesting to me to think of what each new day will bring as the sun peeks out and says good morning.  Each day can be different, each day the same.  

My days have been busy these last few weeks.  The house is unpacked, pictures hung and my garden is taking off.  I found a great gym with a new trainer (Sarah is kicking my butt and making me work, my previous trainers will be pleased).  Kristina and I have found new stores, hairdressers and nurseries.  Each day brings something new but I think about other new days, new times in life, new adventures.  There has always been trips to plan, friends to visit and family to call, nothing much has changed that way.  We adapt to our lives in new surroundings, new phases and new situations.

But then I think back to the very beginning, in Genesis 2, what did Adam experience each day?  Imagine, waking up in the Garden of Eden, with God and nature.  Was Adam hungry, wanting his breakfast? Was Adam lonely, seeking companionship?    Imagine, sitting alone in the garden and God speaking to him, telling him he'd create the perfect companion from his rib!  Imagine, when Adam watched the sunset that same night, Eve was with him, enjoying life.  What a glorious thought, especially for one who is still faithfully searching for that love and companion.

Ponder even further into history; Saint Paul waking up one morning, watching the sun come up and planning a new day of persecution of those following The Word.  Imagine, how that same day Paul began his journey on the road to Damascus, Jesus appeared to him and rendered Paul blind with scales on his eyes.  Three days later, Saint Paul was filled with the Holy Spirit and could see again but as a new and changed man, a humbled man.  How many of us have had our lives completely changed in a matter of 24 hours?  Imagine how if we just opened our eyes to love, how our lives would be so different.  

I also imagine people in history, waking up to trials and difficulties.  I am a student of history, especially World War II.  I think of Anne Frank, in her hideaway, watching the sun rise through a tiny window, with such trust and dedication.  I imagine Anne falling asleep each night, with thoughts of her family and her friends.  I wonder if she worried about being picked up and sent away, which is what happened.  At the end, Anne woke up and fell asleep looking at the sun from a concentration camp window but she was still faithful to God.  What courage, what dedication, what faith!

I think of the various saints, servants and those who pray with open hearts in the morning as the sun rises. What are the prayers that God heard?  God answers prayer but not always the way we want.  God always hears what we are asking but sometimes, he just knows better.  I keep telling myself that, especially after recent disappointments in my life but I know who to trust.  

How many sunrises and sunsets have we all witnessed within our lifetimes?   How has life taken a dramatic turn in a span of 24 hours?  How many of us have been humbled to the core like Saint Paul, filled with wonder like Anne Frank or been blessed with a companion like Adam?  How many of us count our blessings daily, thanking God?  I try to, I always do actually, for the good and the bad. 

In conclusion, who should we put our faith, hope and trust in?  Human beings are just what they are, human and to put our faith in humans is foolishness.  I have put my trust in God, who knows me best.  I can only try to be as faithful as Adam, Paul or Anne.  Tonight, as I sit on my porch, watching the sun set in the west, how was my day?  What lesson did I learn today, what new surprise did I encounter? What will tomorrow bring?  I can't wait to find out but with faith and an open heart.  

The Collector's Corner

We all collect something in our lifetimes.  Some of us collect teacups, teapots and others collect friends.  Although I have a small collection of teacups, pots and some lovely loyal friends, I however collect Scottie dogs.  Actually to be exact, I collect antique Scottie dogs.  I am a Antique Scottie Rescue service!

I love antique stores, old things of value and roaming the aisles of the various stores, seeking Scotties who need a new home.   My friend Jane can attest to my obsession.  She was with me and actually found, the pen and ink drawing of a Scottie that currently hangs in my bedroom.  He's gorgeous and a friend once suggested it was a drawing of my Bonnie.  The table in the family room houses several Scotties as does a bookcase in my bedroom that is home to the Berwick and Buckingham Palace Scotties.  Sprinkled around the house, one can find a Scottie, sitting on a shelf, in the yard or sitting on the rug in front of the fireplace.

How did this obsession start one may ask?  As a child,  stories were told of the darling Scottie dog that "owned" my mother's family.  Legend has it, he came home in the sweater pocket of my Aunt Barbara's boyfriend.  The tiny little guy he was, morphed into a legend of his own making.  My mother and Aunt Helen named him Sammy and he lived with the family for many years.  Sammy roamed the streets, slept under the stove in the kitchen and was trained to do various tricks.  One trick of notability was the ladder trick.  Sammy could climb to the top of a ladder, seeking a treat but sadly couldn't climb back down.  Typical... I  have found a ton of pictures of the little guy in the old photo albums I inherited and I treasure every one.

Living with Scotties of the past was not good enough for me.  Before John died, he wanted another dog.  We had our sweet Westie Nicholas but John wanted another dog as he was never a "dog person" before Nicholas.  Since Scotties were so near and dear to my heart and knowing that dog would be my dog as John's time was so limited, we got our Bonnie Jean.  

Bonnie has turned out to be everything a Scottie dog could be.  Being owned by a Scottie is a special experience.  They are overly smart, highly opinionated little beings with a bark the size of a Bull Mastiff.  A more loyal dog could never, ever be found  As soon as Bonnie came home, she settled in as the Queen Bee, my shadow, my best friend.

Bonnie has been a great source of comfort to me over the years.  After we lost our Nicholas, she moved into first place in my heart and soul.  She sleeps next to me every night, unless she wants me to put her on HER chair (jumping is a lot of work and it's better to make mom get up and gently lift her).  After John and Mom died, she became my unregistered "therapy dog."  Over the last several months, she's let me cry buckets of tears on her back and sat with me as I've continually asked the proverbial questions.    She can't come up with an answer either but has sure tried.

Bonnie made the move to Boise and has settled in well.  She sat in the back seat of the car, all the way to the new house, just like the Queen she is.  Never once did she complain or whine.  She did bark but she is only a barker if stimulated.  We haven't started our morning walks yet as we don't want to wake the neighborhood if we encounter another dog.  We both miss those morning meditation walks, Bonnie leading the way on her leash while I try to keep pace.  She's been content with her new yard, running the width of it with a ball in her mouth for me to pick up.  You see, playing ball with Bonnie is me throwing the ball and Bonnie running to another side of the yard and dropping it.  I then run to pick it up, throwing it and the game resumes.  It's more a game of playing catch with the human.

Therefore, what is my fascination with Scottie dogs?  A greater and more true friend can not be found in human form.  A more devoted and loving companion, as close to God as one can find, is what one will find with a Scottie dog.  So keep following my occasional Facebook and Instagram posts as Bonnie will pop up when least expected.  I love my Bonnie girl and she definitely loves me.  She's my gift from God.

Flowers - The Pathway to God

Some say that our eyes are the windows to the soul.  I believe that but I can one better that phrase, I say flowers are the pathway to God.  After all, God gave us our gardens to plant flowers, trees and shrubs.  He gave us our gardens to mediate with the bees, butterflies and dragonflies that all seem to propagate in our yards.   But God  also gave us these lovelies to appreciate Him.

These thoughts came to me this morning as I re-potted some flowers for my new yard.  It was a bit windy this morning but we endured and the first attempt at my garden came together nicely.  My new pot bench is now full, pots now arranged on the patio and lavender ready to for holes to be dug.  The house is done other than to hang the pictures.  The pictures can wait but my garden however, could not.

Those who know me well, know how much I love to be outside in my yard.  Two houses ago, I replanted the small yard after we moved in.  That house was a new house, the yard was a blank slate but for some "builders plants."  All but my hydrangea was pulled out and I went to work planting roses, camellias, daffodils and other various potted plants that hung from the eves of the back deck.  

The last summer I lived in that house, alone for the most part, I loved sitting out enjoying the sweet smell of my roses and Sweet Peas that climbed the Evergreen trees at the back fence.  That last summer, Mom and I sat out in the yard with the dogs, smelling the roses and watching the birds feed from the feeders I had strategically placed.   We sat and laughed about the past, silly things that we remembered and enjoyed our last amount of time together.  The hydrangea had grown so large over those 12 years, it peeked in my dining room window, smiling in like a good friend who had come to visit.  Sadly Mom died that November and the next February, I moved into my last Washington home.

That home had a huge yard, with a pickle ball court and beautifully landscaped yard.  I planted tons of potted plants that hung in and around the deck.  Strawberries grew wild and roses were planted.  One problem however, it really wasn't my yard, my garden, my creation.  As hard as I tried to love it, nurture my flowers, lavender plants and roses, it still wasn't really my garden, my creation.

This new garden is another blank slate, just like the remainder of my life.  This new garden has a route to be plotted along the fence line, just like my new adventure being plotted to the UK.  This new garden is mine, my creative venture, my new life.  This morning after my pots were finished, I started charting the course for my next trip the the UK.  It's amazing how much energy I had after getting my fingernails dirty.  It's amazing how my maps started making sense and my trip started to take form.  It's all due to the peace I found with my flowers and pots.  

This new garden will take shape, just like my life.  It will grow and flourish just like my dreams.  And, it will be mine this time with the help of God the creator all all things.  So my dears, our eyes may be the window to our souls but our flowers are the pathway to God.

The Who's and Why's of Life

This week I have four "Why Questions" and four "Who" questions.  My take on the Why is my take only of course.  The Who questions are for pure speculation.  Both sets of questions beg for reader comments and I can't wait to read the comments!    

WHY do bad things happen to good people?

I ask the most difficult question first as we all ask that one from time to time.  My answer is there is no good answer.  I just trust God that his ways are not always our way and the ultimate outcome is our best answer.  God will use us as his tool as we work through these difficult circumstances.  We must have faith and trust in our God.

WHY is there so much unrest in the world today?

A dark force is blanketing our world, this I feel strongly about.  This dark force is causing civil disobedience, strife, damage to personal and public property, murder and anything else one can think of that is obviously wrong.  I believe that by eliminating God from our society is why.  When we as a collective, decide that God has no place in public discussion, then this opens the celestial door for evil to creep in like a sticky fog, enveloping our lives.  We need to accept this and allow God back in or we as a society are doomed.

WHY should we believe what the Bible says is fact?

Why not?  The time tested truths in the Bible are the fabric that has held society together for thousands of years.  Some may say these truths are antiquated or false.  Societies have based their laws and structure on Biblical truths.  When a society stays the course of Biblical truth, it survives.  That's a simple fact.  My pastor friends may have something to add...

WHY do we sometimes fall in love with the wrong people?

Well, who knows really.  I as a general habit, have fallen in love with the right people. I keep reading articles and watching on Dateline, that humans can sometimes make bad choices.   Maybe when we think too strongly with our hearts, not too much with our heads, is when we make a bad choice.  Lesson be learned, watch for the warning signs, look for very little baggage (we all have some) and avoid drama at all costs.  Someone who is always pulling our strings, tripping us up to fall or is simply not our intellectual equal is going to be someone that is most likely wrong for us.  Women and men both look for a pretty face but frankly, it's not all about looks but what's in the heart.  A pure heart leads to a beautiful soul.  We should all be looking for beautiful souls.  Beautiful souls will carry us through the tests of time.

WHO is God?

The question of who is God, Spirit, the Universe has been around for millions of years but who is God really?   God is the creator of all life, all the Universe, all of mankind.  God is our one source for all good.  I rely on God for everything.  I meditate every morning, pray and ask God continually to heal me and to use me for his good.  I pray to God for my friends and my family, acquaintances on Facebook and for world peace.  God always answers my prayer.  He may not answer them in the way I want but my prayers are always answered.  Proverbs 3:5 “Have confidence in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding”

WHO Wrote the book of Hebrews?

This is a question that has been asked for the last two thousand years. Hebrews has the first verses I ever read in the Bible, the statement of faith to be exact.  The first book I read in entirety was the gospel of John and from there I’ve read all the New Testament.  Some speculate Paul wrote Hebrews but I’d like to suggest it was either Peter or John.  The wording doesn’t match Paul but it does match Peter or John or even Timothy.  It actually really doesn’t matter, Hebrews in my humble opinion, is one of the most profound books in the Bible. If one wants a good explanation of faith, turn to Hebrews 11:1 “Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not apparent.”   Most succinct statement ever read in my life. 

Who are “They”?

Just who are they anyway?   Reading news articles, Facebook pages or even listening to TV, some ultra "smart" person is referred to as "they."  Most of the time, in my opinion, They know nothing!  Take Covid-19 for instance, "They" created a pandemic and shut down the world.  I don't want to minimize the deaths and destruction this disease caused but with cautious care and common sense, many would not have died, business's not lost or possibly many teenage suicides would have been averted.  "They" have created riots, destruction and pure hate?  Who are "They" that can create such havoc?  Tell me, I want to know so we can as a collective, start answering back!

Who Were The Beatles?

This question is asked in jest sort of,  but those under 40 reading this may not know of the Beatles.  In my humble opinion, The Beatles were the greatest rock group in history!  John, Paul, George and Ringo are still iconic figures, representing a time that was and to never be seen again.  My favorite as a kid was Ringo.  All the girls loved Paul but I liked Ringo, as there was no competition.  As an adult, George is my favorite Beatle  He had a sweet, gentle soul, musically he was above par and he could sing a sweet song.  The Beatles wrote some of the most famous songs in the history of music, Yesterday, I Want To Hold Your Hand, Something (a George Song) and my favorite song of all I Will (a little known love song on the White Album) all represent a generation of music that warms the heart, heals the soul and brings a smile on the face of all of us Baby Boomers who get nostalgic just thinking about summers at the beach, school dances or listening the the radio while studying for a test.  

So dear reader, I hope you enjoyed this rather provocative blog.  Some serious questions, some light to add a balance.  I can’t wait to read your comments.  God bless.  

Happy Father's Day Daddy

Since today is Father's Day and I won't be on line much this coming week due to my move, I thought I write about my dad and the Ontiveros family, of which I don't talk too much about.  Those who know me know I resonate more with the British side of my DNA.  But the Ontiveros family has a rich heritage and that heritage is what made my Dad who he was.

Daddy grew up on a ranch in the Tepusquet hills surrounding Santa Maria.  His father had decided he wanted to be a rancher and had inherited some land the family had been granted by the Spanish government.  The Ontiveros family was a founding family in California, coming up by horse back from Mexico in 1781.  Juan Pacifico Ontiveros, my 3rd great grandfather, was granted Rancho San Juan Cajon de Santa Ana and later bought Rancho Tepusquet in Santa Barbara and San Luis Obispo counties.  That land was parceled off to various family members and my grandfather, Kencho Ontiveros was granted several acres to do with what he pleased. 

Kencho married my grandmother Lee Lancaster on February 7, 1914 in San Franciso.  He brought his beautiful bride to Santa Maria, built a home for her and there they lived until that house burned down when Dad was maybe ten.  Two children were raised on that land, my Aunt Eleanore and my daddy Richard or Dick as he preferred to be called. 

The Depression hit the family hard.  Dad always said that his father would give away extra food and supplies to neighboring families who were not quite as fortunate.  The Ontiveros family however, did without quite a bit.  One story was Grandma would buy a Snickers bar and cut it into four pieces, that was the Saturday night treat.  Among other crops, Grandpa raised what are known as Santa Maria Pink Beans.  They were best picked when the morning air was still cool and damp.  The family of four would be out in the fields picking those beans at 3am, before the actual farming day would begin or in the case of the children, school day.  Those 3 am bean picking mornings are what instilled in Dad, his tremendous work ethic and sense of responsibility.

After the fire, Dad and Grandpa rebuilt that house.  I saw it one time, it was small, running water with indoor plumbing and it had electricity.  Dad always said the he helped install the wiring in that house, he was about twelve.  He worked as one my grandfather's field hands during the summer.  The last week of summer, before the harvest and school starting, is when Dad got time off.  He worked hard all summer long, that's for sure.

Sunday morning December 7, 1941 was the day that lived in infamy.  Dad was attending Santa Maria Junior College at the time, with aspirations of being a woodworking/shop teacher and attending Ohio State.  When Pearl Harbor was bombed, Dad joined the navy and for the next 4 years, he was on various ships in the Pacific.  Those years, he always claimed, were the best of his life.  He grew up, left the ranch as a boy and returned in 1945 as a man.  Dad never did attend college, he took care of his parents after the war.

My parents married in 1949.  I was born in 1955 and my sister in 1958.  We witnessed a traditional marriage between two people who loved and were devoted to each other.  They were our role models, our security and the two best people we would ever know.  We saw Daddy going to work every morning, come home every night and love our mother and us with undying devotion.  Daddy devoted the sixty four years of marriage to making our mother happy and comfortable and to us he gave us his love.

Daddy's been gone 8 years this July.  I miss him every, single day.  Not a day goes by where I don't say; "Dad, you wouldn't believe it!"  Mom died two years after him and I know in my heart of hearts, they are together laughing, sharing a cocktail and loving each other. 

So dear Daddy, happy Father's Day.  I love you and miss you.  I hope I've made you proud.

Moving On or Cleansing My Soul

Moving is a daunting experience, to say the least.  From the time my parents brought me home from the hospital to this move, I've lived in 22 different dwellings.  I remember all but two, each had it's own story, each move was different, each move was the same.   From the packing of boxes to the unpacking and putting "stuff" away, it is time consuming, daunting and frankly exhausting.

The sorting of stuff, decisions as what one wants to keep and what is unnecessary is a big decision.  I tend to keep stuff, although I'm not a hoarder.  I still have the Huckleberry Hound record I got for my fifth birthday, my Monkees scrap book from when I was eleven and various cards and letters written to me over the years.  It's fun to read letters from friends who went on vacation when we were 14, cards or a newspaper article about something that meant a great deal at the time.  Do I need to keep these things?  Probably no, why move it all again but I probably will.

During this move, I have really started purging.  In my "purge" I found long lost cards my grandmother sent me for Halloween, Christmas and birthdays.  I found cards in boxes my parents sent me over the years, all I've carefully saved.  Do I keep these?  Yes, I still like having those links to the past.  Mom's spiraling handwriting or Nannie's lovely English penmanship still gives me a comforting feeling of love and acceptance.

I found all the family pictures.  Those I'll keep for sure and will look at over and over again, forever.  I have both my grandmother and great grandmother's photo albums.  Mom gave them to me before she died as she knew I'd take care and treasure them.  As I have done the family genealogy, these links to the past hold a special meaning.  These pictures are what I love most.  Remembering those precious moments in time are such sweet memories.  I found one of my tenth birthday, holding my Herman's Hermits Greatest Hits album (I still have it).  I remember when that picture was taken as I was in a big hurry to go back to my bedroom and listen to it on my record player.  "I'm Henry the Eighth I am, Henry the Eighth I am I am!"

But these things are really just stuff.  Moving is also soul cleansing, out with the old and in with the new.  I am moving on with my life, old love is gone, new love hopefully will be found.  Friendships will remain solid, but some acquaintances will be left in the past.  Time to turn over a new leaf, time to make changes, time to cleanse my soul.

So thank you my dear friends, Toni, Joyce and Jane.  Thank you for the years of friendship, love and acceptance.  I'm moving not just to Idaho but on with my life.  New friendships will be made, new experiences will happen but those I hold dear will never be forgotten.  Thank you for the memories!